This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize