Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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