The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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