my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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