I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize