I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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