im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
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P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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