I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize