the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
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I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
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It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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