Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize