Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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