I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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