I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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