i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
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she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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