Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
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You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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