sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
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I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
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My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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