I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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