I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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