i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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