Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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