I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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