I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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