this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
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You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
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Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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