i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
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Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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