Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize