i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need to calm my uterus...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize