apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
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Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
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Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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