Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize