My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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