i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
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Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
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I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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