I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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