I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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