highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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