dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
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Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
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Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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