i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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