My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
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Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize