Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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