you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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