I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize