those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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