I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
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If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
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I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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