Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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