1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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