i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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