Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
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I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
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girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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