Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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