wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
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I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
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the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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