you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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