Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
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Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
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At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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