id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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