it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
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I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
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Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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